This is how Calvin was dressed until Daddy came home from work.

Lazy playtime.

Indeed, he had quite a few tantrum-type episodes today – so many that I lost count (5? 6? more?). I have been surprised to discover that this experience is not that bad and not the big deal that I thought it would be. I try to recognize the tantrums for what they are: outbursts of emotion that are beyond his control. I try to remember that he is just a little guy in a big, frustrating world. I know that he will someday learn other ways to deal with his emotions, but in the meantime I need to let him vent his frustration.

I have found that the best way to deal with his tantrum is to sit nearby quietly and wait for it to subside. I don’t leave him while he has his moment; I can tell that he wants me there. I don’t touch him; he has made it quite clear he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want me to say anything, either. So I just wait. It subsides after a minute or two, and then he usually has a smile on his face and he often runs over to hug me.

Code Name: Mama has written about tantrums lately and her thoughts are very similar to mine. In Riders on the Tantrum Storm, she says:

We do not believe in punishing tantrums. Children are learning how to navigate the world – oftentimes, their emotions overwhelm them. A child in the midst of a tantrum feels powerless and out of control. Punishing tantrums does not “teach” a child anything, other than the fact that they cannot trust their deepest feelings to their caregivers.

I try to remember how I feel when my emotions are out of control. I may be well beyond the toddler years but this is definitely something I still experience from time to time. When I am upset or venting to my husband it would certainly be counterproductive for him to leave the room or to yell at me or otherwise “punish” me. Often I just need to get it out and then to calm down. I don’t think that a toddler’s experience is too much different.

Benefits of being shampoo free:

• It’s pretty cheap.
• It’s non-toxic (this was a big reason for me).
• It means that I am reducing my plastic consumption.
• I really think my hair looks better. It was dry and dull before and though I tried a few different products, nothing was helping. This makes sense in retrospect – shampoo strips hair of natural oils.

Things I didn’t expect:

• I really like washing my hair with baking soda – it gives it a deep-clean feeling.
• I sorta miss using conditioner – the ACV works just fine, but doesn’t have the slimy feel of conditioner.
• It was very easy to make! The hardest part was finding suitable plastic bottles – I ended up finding some old water bottles that work just fine. Now I keep baking soda and ACV in my bathroom so I can quickly make more as needed.
• I didn’t expect that I would go through it so fast. Since it mostly water and doesn’t lather much at all, my supplies dwindle quickly. But it’s no big deal – the ingredients are so cheap and it’s so easy to make.

If you need a little more convincing, check out Simple Mom’s article on How to Clean Your Hair Without Shampoo.

Final thought: This was such a painless transition. I should have done it a lot sooner.

Turning a baby or toddler forward-facing. I know, I know – it’s tempting. Now that Calvin is 20 months old, I have certainly been tempted myself. But the bottom line is that rear-facing is far safer and your child should remain rear facing until he reaches the weight limit of the car seat.

Not paying attention to the shoulder straps. The straps should meet high up on the chest – near the armpits. I try to remember that the clip should go in-between the nipples. This is really important – otherwise the child may fly out in a crash.

Using a booster seat too soon. Boosters shouldn’t be used until the child reaches 40 lbs. Many also recommend that a child also be at least four years old.

Last but not least, when installing a new seat, get it checked out by a certified inspector. I did this with both my infant seat and my convertible seat. Now that I have seen how the seats should be installed, I feel comfortable installing them myself when needed. I recommend calling your local fire department – it took a few tries, but I was finally able to find an inspector near where I live. And it’s free!

Some of these safety concerns are not governed by any laws. It’s up to you to make sure that your child is safely installed in his seat. Don’t be too quick to imitate what you see others doing – it may not be what is safest for your child.

More Carseat Basics.

The Greek Festival at a local Orthodox church was definitely the highlight of my day. My husband and I (and Calvin, too) are in the process of becoming Orthodox so I think we enjoyed it much more than we would have otherwise, particularly the tour of their amazing church. I didn’t bring my camera – which is too bad, as the church really was stunning. These pictures are from my cell phone:

Pantocrator icon

Eating baklava ice cream

My sweet boy

I kept it together pretty well, but late this afternoon I finally lost my patience. I missed the mark when it came to my job as a mother. It kills me to not be the epitome of the gentle, attached mother that I want to be (and that I usually am). But today (and really, all week) things have just been off track. He is extra whiny and needy, and my patience is stretched thin.

On days like this I could use more ideas for grounded, gentle and patient parenting. A few things that work for us so far…

What helps me set the tone:

• A prayer to start the day, and intermediate prayers asking for God’s mercy throughout the day.
• Beginning the day with a playful/joyous spirit.
• Really focusing on him for the first hour of the morning (after my coffee is made, of course!)
• Getting enough to sleep. Lately it’s been hard for me to go to bed on time.

What helps me try to get both of us back on track (or what helps me keep my sanity):

• Taking the time to pay 100% attention to him for a while. Read books, play outside – whatever he wants is what we do.
• On the flip side, letting him watch TV. Sometimes it is either this or I might jump ship.
• If my husband is home, I am a big fan of letting them have one-on-one time. This is definitely a win-win for everyone.
• Take a trip to the mall or Target. Take a walk. Water the plants together.

What are your ideas? If you have older kids, tell me: does your patience grow as time goes on? I sometimes wonder if I would be more patient if I had more perspective on just how young Calvin really is. I hope I don’t come off as sounding horribly impatient; my husband always tells me that he is amazed by my patience with Calvin. But when that patience cracks… boy, do I hate that.

I just finished reading/skimming Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a way of life that is outwardly simple, inwardly rich. I liked this book because it doesn’t try to define “simplicity” as a list of specific items that one must follow. Instead simplicity is viewed as a state of mind; almost a type of self-actualization:

“The hallmark of a balanced simplicity is that our lives become clearer, more direct, less pretentious, and less complicated.”

A few other characteristics of simplicity:

• ecological
• a state of awareness/living consciously
• a lifestyle; a process to get there
• anti-consumerism, a “new definition of quality”

This book is ultimately a philosophical manifesto and not a how-to guide. It is inspirational for those of us who are consciously trying to embrace a life of simplicity. But the downside of not defining simplicity as X, Y and Z is that the reader might be left inspired, but still not sure how to get the goal.

I am consciously trying to reject consumerism, but gosh it is hard to do!  I know that the problems with the consumerist lifestyle are many, yet it is still quite a challenge to confront. Thankfully this is a process, and I am slowly becoming more aware and beginning to redefine what I consider quality. From a spiritual standpoint (and the spiritual aspect is considered from all angles in the book) I think that simplicity is very important: cluttered lives contribute to cluttered minds. I don’t know about you, but both my life and my mind feel pretty cluttered these days.

Ginger sheds her winter coat

Foxgloves are blooming

Toes in the grass

I am slowly changing that. I truly believe that for a change to stick, it has to be made slowly. Abrupt changes can be abruptly discarded, but a change that is slowly integrated and that becomes a part of you is going to stick around. Think of it this way: fighting many small battles is much easier than fighting one big war.

As part of this journey I’ve started reading wonderful blogs like Kitchen Stewardship, Keeper of the Home and Fake Plastic Fish. The plethora of information can quickly become overwhelming when there is so much that you want to do. I realize that I have a long way to go to revamp my life – especially if I want to make real change that will stick around.

A few things that I’ve been doing lately:

• Giving up soda. This wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be – I usually drink tea instead, but if I want something carbonated I reach for mineral water. If you’re drinking bottled water – give that up too. Get a reusable container for your water, like the awesome Klean Kanteen.
• Learning what is on the dirty dozen list and buying the organic version.
• Cutting back on processed foods.
• Buying organic cow’s milk – though I am thinking of either trying raw or giving it up completely.
• Switching to non-toxic cleaners as I mentioned in my spring cleaning post.
• Gardening – we’ve already had a vegetable garden for several years which supplies most of our summer produce.

All of these can be done relatively painlessly (well, giving up soda might be tough if you’re an addict – but try it for a few weeks and soon you’ll forget about it).

Ongoing/upcoming changes:

• Curtailing the amount that we eat out. This is tough because we have an 11+ year precedent of eating out a lot. We lack willpower here.
• Cutting back on plastics.
• Creating a year-round garden.
• Going shampoo-free.
• Line-drying clothes/diapers.

I am really having fun learning about all of these things and implementing them into our family life. Please join me in implementing baby steps in your own life! What has recently inspired you and what changes do you hope to make?